MTN of Truth
This is damnably funny, in a Kafka meets Mel Miller kind of way.
Someone sent this copy of an MTN email, which reads like a parody of client service. Sort of Charlie Chaplin meets Jackass.
Note the insane use of capital letters and inverted commas in this paragraph:
“At MTN Service Provider, we are constantly looking at means to improve our service delivery. With service experience (“THE MOMENT OF TRUTH”) being a priority within our organisation it has become essential for us to find “smarter” ways of delivering our service.”
Apparently, nobody told this idiot copywriter that inverted commas indicate that the word you’re using actually means something else. In this case, “smarter” means stupid.
And the capitals – no, just because it’s in upper case doesn’t mean it’s not rampant drivel, dreamed up to avoid actually dealing with customer complaints.
I have no interest in the merits of this consumer’s case – right or wrong, nobody deserves this kind of mail from the dark side. It’s awful, useless, and insulting.
THE CONSUMER’S STORY
“Been having issues with MTN stemming from a replaced credit card and them not contacting me to say “hey what’s up with the lack of payment”. No word for 3 or so months and then a very nasty legal letter. This for a tiny contract I took out to ‘try them out’ before moving my workforce over.
“I have found that I am completely unable to establish any form of communication with MTN to work out the situation.
“Robot-lady deliberately cuts off my MTN phone once she establishes the number that I am calling from. Calling from a non-MTN phone does not even get an answer from her.
“Online ‘Contact Us’ form – deafening silence.
“Replying to the nasty email from legal got me 1 ‘human written’ reply after 2 weeks – which allowed me to send bank details, though no debit order has been forthcoming.
“Replying again got me the following gem which I would call ‘Alienating Your Client Base 101’”
THE MTN COMMUNICATION
From: Legal Action Department [mailto:cim_legal@mtn.co.za]
Sent: 02 February 2010 11:31 AM
To:
Y’ello!
Your query to the DIC Queries queue has been closed and will not be answered. Please take note of the message below for instructions on how to compile your emails to this queue (specifically how to mark the subject line of your query) in order to receive a response.
At MTN Service Provider, we are constantly looking at means to improve our service delivery. With service experience (“THE MOMENT OF TRUTH”) being a priority within our organisation it has become essential for us to find “smarter” ways of delivering our service.
It is therefore essential that we work together to ensure that we enhance our service delivery to our valued clientele.
We therefore request that you utilise one of the below query types and non other when you submit your queries to us for assistance. It is imperative that you are as accurate as possible to ensure that this process will contribute to a far better service experience, not only to you but also to our external clientele.
PLEASE ENSURE THAT YOUR SUBJECT LINE IS POPULATED WITH ONE OF THE FOLLOWING:
BILL LIMIT REQUEST : ADD BILL LIMIT or REMOVE BILL LIMIT
- SIM SWAP REQUEST : SIM SWAP REQUEST
- MSISDN SWAP : MSISDN SWAP
- CONTRACT CANCELLATION : CANCEL CONTRACT
- ACCOUNT QUERY : ACCOUNT QUERY
- CHANGE OF DETAILS : CHANGE OF DETAILS (Bank, address, e-mail, name, etc)
- BLACKLISTING REQUEST : BLACKLIST HANDSET or UNBLACKLIST HANDSET
- ACTIVATION REQUEST : ACTIVATION REQUEST or DUAL SIM ACTIVATION REQUEST
- ROAMING REQUEST : ADD INT ROAMING & DIALING or REMOVE INT ROAMING & DIALING
- MIGRATION REQUEST : UPWARD MIGRATION REQUEST or DOWNWARD MIGRATION REQUEST
- ITB REQUEST : ITB REQUEST
- SUSPENSION REQUEST : SUSPENSION REQUEST or LIFT SUSPENSION
- VAS REQUEST : VAS REQUEST or REMOVE VAS (SMS bundles, data bundles, etc)
- INSURANCE REQUEST : INSURANCE REQUEST or INSURANCE QUERY
- PROOF OF PAYMENT : POP EFT or POP CHEQUE or POP DIRECT DEPOSIT
- PORT ENQUIRY : Port Enquiry : PORT ENQUIRY
- TRANSFER OF OWNERSHIP : TRANSFER OF OWNERSHIP
- ACCOUNT IN LEGAL : LEGAL ENQUIRY
UPGRADE QUERY : UPGRADE QUERY or REVERSE UPGRADE
PLEASE REFRAIN FROM USING GENERAL QUERY OR LEAVING THE SUBJECT LINE BLANK!
We value you as a customer and will respond to your query within the shortest timeframes possible. Please ensure that you keep a copy of this mail, as it contains your reference number to your query which must be submitted to us if any escalations are required.
Please do not reply to this email as it is an automated response which is not monitored
Kind Regards,
E-Mail Management Support
___________________________________________________________
Ah yes. THE MOMENT OF TRUTH. Or as I like to call it: THE MOMENT OF BEING TOLD TO GO STUFF YOURSELF. We value you as a client! Sob.
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The Tweeting Chris
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I’m populating this comment field with the fingers of one hand stretched up above my head to my keyboard, as the rest of me lies blubbering on the floor.
Next time I write to MTN I’ll populate the subject line with the last option: “PLEASE REFRAIN FROM USING GENERAL QUERY OR LEAVING THE SUBJECT LINE BLANK!” I like that one – especially the exclamation mark.
Next time you write… see, you’re trapped already.
Aargh!! You keep driving me away from my desk and reducing me to a quivering jelly. I have work to do.
Ummm… question: why would you need to duplicate the subject title?
For example if someone sent “TRANSFER OF OWNERSHIP” instead of “TRANSFER OF OWNERSHIP : TRANSFER OF OWNERSHIP” would it not be answered, or worse – would you receive the very same letter in response?
Actually. Don’t answer that.
If it’s any consolation (it’s not), this type of service is not specific to South Africa. It’s a global frustration. Such fun.
Oh great – so good to see that letter, now at least I have an actual email address I can use so I have proof of my attempts to contact them.
Done everything else including hellopeter aaaaah!
It’s amusing (?) that the letter comes from the Legal [In]Action Department at the beginning but is signed off by E-Mail Management Support. And amazing that the only e-mails one does receive are automatic ones that you are not allowed to reply to.